Let all hell break loose....

OK. Here it is. It’s time to stop ignoring my instincts. They are talking to me and I am way too afraid to follow them. The thing is, there is no certainty. Everything is a risk. And there are very real chances that I’ll land myself in difficult/ painful/ annoying situations. I won’t always come out a hero. I’ll do many dumb things. Sometimes, these will be genuine mistakes. My self-esteem and self-confidence won’t always be with me. The world will judge me. Mostly, I will judge myself. 

And I want to avoid all this and more at any cost. But when I avoid them, I avoid life. When I say life, I don’t mean just the success that will come by taking risks. I mean the experience of living life completely. Of exhausting every ounce of energy, potential, wisdom and effort towards living a fulfilled life, of not having any regrets, experiencing the satisfaction of trying everything under the sun, irrespective of whether I succeed or fail in the conventional sense of the word. 

 

When I look back, there are many moments that come to mind when I felt inadequate. I’m often clouded with regret, sadness and embarrassment thinking about them. Most of my intentions and actions have stemmed from an intense effort to ensure I don’t feel like this again. 

 

I am prim and propah. I walk on eggshells. I try to be on my best behavior. I do everything by the book. And I haven’t gone very far beyond mediocrity trying to do this. In fact, the better I am at avoiding pitfalls, the closer I come to mediocrity. When I look at my life as a whole, it’s easy to see, it was impossible to avoid unpleasant circumstances. (Doesn’t matter who was responsible for them.). In the end I took risks and some of them turned out brilliant while others flopped. What’s so bad in that? Nothing at all. 

    Photo Courtesy: idiva.com

So, here I am reminding myself again, that on my death bed, more than my success, it will be a feeling of life well lived that will give me solace. The fact that I did all that I could in line with what “I” aspired will give me a sense of fulfilment. If I succeed, that’s a bonus. But the juice is in having guts to try it in the first place. 

Therefore, gentle reader, determine to live following your gut, every moment of everyday. And let all hell break loose. 

As Nichiren Daishonin says, “Suffer what there is to suffer, enjoy what there is to enjoy. Regard both suffering and joy as facts of life & continue chanting Nam Myo Ho Renge Kyo no matter what happens…”