When you let go of the nanny!

 To a mother of a toddler, a nanny is what oxygen is to your lungs. 

When you let them go, what ensues is chaos! You literally don't do anything (cause your mind can't process anything) and yet, you feel like you outperformed Atlas in shouldering the burden of the world. 

But you also end up with unexpected moments which might not have happened otherwise. Last week, when I let go of our nanny, I found myself finding creative ways to keep my two year old occupied. We ended up with colour palettes, brushes, smeared fingers and faces, oodles of giggles and artwork that I would not trade for Picasso. The paintings reveal smudges, scribbles, strange colours (cause we mixed so many in one go), and an exceptional will of a toddler to explore what is possible. 

I wondered when did I change from being like my daughter - who is so committed to exploring that she couldn't care two hoots about messing up - to someone who is an annoying perfectionist, fussing about every dot on the "I", not enjoying the process and fixated on the end result often aimed at external validation. 

During the week that lasted without a nanny, I gave myself permission to fail, to not look good, to explore and experiment. I was imperfect, messy, far from structured, definitely not ending up with what I planned at the beginning... but very very happy. I learnt new things, I became present to my little one's giggles, found unconditional happiness that just oozed out of me for no reason at all!

 

To all of you out there, who have become like me, give yourself a break and listen to what your being tells you. Try acting on it. It won't always be awe inspiring and may be you'll have to try a zillion times before it looks anything like what you imagined in your head. But just love the process, waste sometime, be with yourself and you'll realise that your being will give you whatever you ever wanted from the world.